What can I do if my new relationship is affected by my partner's former abuse?

My current girlfriend is still getting over an abusive relationship that she was involved in two years ago. The abuse included repeated rape throughout the two-and-half-year-long relationship. She has never been able to enjoy sex and cannot bring herself to do it again. Despite her feelings for me, she cannot relax enough during sex for it not to hurt her. I have not forced her into having sex she cannot enjoy. We have been together for nearly a year now and the problem does not seem to be getting better for her. She has nightmares and is uncomfortable and afraid in many day-to-day situations. She is worried that going to a counselor will mean she will be in counseling for the rest of her life to get over this. This has become such a hindrance to us being happy that I sometimes wonder if it is best to stay with her to try to help her through this, or whether I am out of my league.


Am I being teased or abused?

What is the criteria for determining if a relationship is abusive? My husband has never struck me in anger or injured me, but he is constantly poking, tickling, flicking me, etc. When I tell him to stop, he usually says, "Why should I?" and continues a little bit more. It's like a kid tormenting a little sister. He gets right in my face and sometimes pokes me in the chest while he's telling me something. There's never any anger until I get mad at him for doing it, and then he tells me he's just playing. The other night when I told him to stop poking me, he said, "I'll do whatever I want." That really bothered me. When he does get angry, he usually just ignores me, but occasionally he'll throw something (but not at me). What do you think? How can I make him understand that his "playing" is upsetting? Is this type of behavior a precursor of actual violence?


Should I be concerned about BPA from hard plastic water bottles?

I use Nalgene bottles for about 75 percent of the water I drink each day. Therefore, I was startled to find out that there is some possibility that these bottles leach chemicals into the water. I've found conflicting opinions about the veracity of these claims on the Internet. What's the truth? Should I dump my Nalgene for glass? You have an earlier post about bottled water, but it doesn't seem to address this issue specifically, and you recommend purchasing reusable bottles like the ones that might be poisoning me. The bottles I use have #7 on the bottom in the recycle symbol.


What should I do if I inhaled bleach fumes?

After a night out with friends, I stopped in a nearby cafe before heading home to use the restroom. Unbeknownst to me, the staff had just mopped the restroom with bleach. Usually, a clean bathroom is a welcome amenity, but this one in particular is very small (barely a water closet) with zero ventilation. Though I was in there a brief time, my eyes and nose began to burn and water, and I could not very well open the door until it was time to wash my hands. It's been well over an hour since I inhaled all that bleach, and my eyes, nose, throat, and lungs all burn. I can't taste anything, and all I can smell is bleach. My head also hurts. I've gotten a lot of fresh air and plan to go back outside shortly, but these side effects have yet to abate. Am I in danger of respiratory damage? Is there anything specific to this situation I can do to alleviate the pain and discomfort?

Thanks for your help.


Is head banging hazardous to my health?

I am the front man for a heavy metal band that is steadily growing in popularity. During shows, the whole band head bangs, but I seem to go a little bit harder than everyone else. Every morning after a show, I wake up with stiffness, soreness, and slight swelling of my neck and upper shoulders. Lately, I have been thinking that maybe thrashing my head around as if it isn't connected to my body is a bad idea.

My question is this: Does head banging cause any permanent injury that I should be concerned with? If so, how could I head bang differently to lessen the injury?


Was I molested?

I really don't know what to call my situation. Some people say I was molested, others say I was sexually assaulted in the third degree, and others call it sexual misconduct. But when I was thirteen years old, I was touched by a fifteen-year-old boy on the bus for six months. I didn't want this or invite it. I would often fight and say no. He used to fondle my thighs and go into my pants. What is this called? Please e-mail me back.