How can I ask my partner if they have any STIs?

I really enjoy reading your answers on these pages, but here's the question that I haven't seen addressed on your web pages or anywhere else on the Internet. Can you please suggest some appropriate ways to ask a person with whom you're about to have sex if he or she has any sexually transmitted diseases? A few months ago, I met a girl with whom I had sex... and, as I found out later, she had herpes. We did use condoms anyway, but there was still some risk in catching herpes since we didn't use condoms all the time.


How can I come to terms with my adoption?

I was adopted when I was two and a half years old, and I still have a lot of issues from it. I don't really like myself and at times; I feel like I don't know who I am. I never let myself become close to my adoptive family, and still feel uncomfortable and out of place around them. I don't have many friends. I isolate a lot and don't really trust people. I am always scared to make friends for fear that I won’t be accepted or liked. Growing up I often turned to drugs and alcohol to escape these feelings and to feel comfortable with myself. The problem now is that I am 22 and I have a two year old daughter. I feel like I need to get over this so I can be a good mother to her, and raise her to know and love herself. I feel lost, what can I do?


How can I help friend with a cocaine addiction?

My friend recently told me that she has a serious blow problem. She lives with her boyfriend and she said that all they do is work, sleep, and blow. By telling me this I understand that she has taken some very important steps into wanting to get better, but I'm completely useless in trying to help because I just don't know enough about the drug and rehab and ways to support her.

So far I've made the suggestion that she come spend some time with me and away from home so that the reminder of it is lessened, I can prevent her from bringing it in, and can try and keep her occupied to take her mind off it. What else can you suggest?


How can I move forward with a homophobic roommate?

I'm a lesbian and I think that my roommate could be slightly homophobic. We have never really had a great relationship but now that I've come out to her, we don't talk much at all. How do I talk with her about this issue so that we can put it behind is without making it so awkward?


Is menstrual synchrony fact or fiction?

Okay, so my mother does not believe, as I do, that when a group of women live closely together (i.e., in a dorm setting) that their menstrual cycles become roughly similar, due to the release of pheromones. I'm pretty sure that I heard this somewhere, but I can't find anything to back it up. I swear I'm not making it up, but my mom doesn't believe me.

Thanks for your help.


What to do when my boyfriend cares more if I cum than I do?

It's very hard for me to orgasm during sex, even if I help myself. I can do it all by my lonesome very quickly, but as soon as I'm with a guy, I just can't cum. However, I'm not worried by this whatsoever. I love sex, and I love everything about it. I love the act of sex, I love pleasuring my partner, I love the sights, smells, and sounds of sex. If I don't cum, meh, I'm still very happy. I'm no happier if I do orgasm during sex.

My problem seems to be keeping my partners happy with my contentment with not orgasming. They seem to think it's their life mission to make me orgasm. I had one boyfriend with whom I actually faked orgasming for a good two years because he was so upset that he couldn't make me cum. Every other partner I've had since then has taken it personally that I can't orgasm with them. It seems to put a bit of strain on my relationships.

I am with a new guy that I care for very deeply. He has been very understanding of my not orgasming, but he seems to try that much harder, and I think he is getting frustrated. I have orgasmed once since we've been together (a mere month and a bit), so it can be done, but I really don't want him to take it personally. I've told him already about this, and he said he was surprised that I'm cool with it. I REALLY don't want him to be disappointed and have this strain our relationship (like every other relationship I've had). I really do like him that much.

What can I do or say to ease his mind?


What are the different phases of the menstrual cycle?

1) You've mentioned a lot in this service about a woman's menstrual cycle, and the risks involved with unprotected sex. Details that you have mentioned include, for example, the high risk of pregnancy (i.e., as a result of unprotected sex or failed contraception) during the "fertile period" of a woman's cycle. What I would like to know is: what (typically) are the various stages in the cycle (e.g., ovulation followed by menstruation, etc.), when do they typically occur in the cycle, and, most importantly, WHEN are the (typical, of course) fertile and infertile (minimum chance of pregnancy) parts of the cycle?

2) When calculating the length of your menstrual cycle, what is considered to be the actual first day of your cycle? Is it the first day there is "red" bleeding, or does it also include the first day or two of brown discharge?